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Thursday, September 2, 2010

Rachel's Secret

What ever happened to "I don't get depressed" ? That's a weird version of you I'm seeing now...
"Get up. Time to go to the office."
- I don't want to.
- Great. Now what ?
- What do you mean now what ? I just need to rest. Think I'll stay in bed for a while longer.
- Who are you kidding ? You're going to be dragging your feet through the day and you know it. Now get up, take a shower, put on clean clothes, and go to the office.
- You don't get it...
- Whatever it is, it doesn't hurt to go out, get some sun, fresh air, and have something to focus on. What good are you sulking at home all alone ? Come on, get dressed.
- No. My clothes still smell like her.
- What ? Let me check... What are you talking about ? they smell like the fabric softener !
- Yeah, well, she used to use it too. Even her skin smelled like it. I can't put on these clothes. Do you have any idea how much effort it took me to fall asleep ? Even the bed smells...
- What ever happened to "I don't get depressed" ? That's a weird version of you I'm seeing now...
- I'm not depressed. Or maybe I am, what do I know. Do me a favor, let daddy sleep some more okay sweetie ?
- You know you're not exactly being a good role model. Is this how you want me to be whenever I break up with a boyfriend ?
- No, of course not. I just need a break...
- From what ?

He paused for a moment.

- I have no idea.

He sat up and scratched his head, then reached to the bedside for his glasses. Clearing his throat, he looked at his teenage daughter, then said:

- Can I... if you don't want to listen it's fine, I just need to say this... I feel kinda sedated, it's like the first time I went to the gym after we had you, Rachel: I tried lifting some weights, and it seemed a bit hard, I didn't even give it my best, I just gave up. It's awful to know you've somehow lost your will to fight, even if you're doing something as meaningless as weightlifting... I need my strength back, and I have no idea where I lost it, it's not like my life has been hard lately or anything, it makes no sense, I was happy, hell I didn't go through this when I lost your mother, and you know how madly in love we were... I was strong then, maybe it had to do with you being a kid and all... I need my strength back, I feel like my body is working against me, like it just wants to stay in bed for years... Does this make any sense to you ? Am I having a midlife teenage crisis of some sort ?
- This is so not okay, I'm not the one supposed to give advice on life, what do I know ?
- Right...
- Here, I'll give you some of your own advice: Don't worry, you're young and attractive, you'll meet someone soon and before you know it, you'll forget all about this heartache.
- You're a very sweet daughter you know ? I'll stop ranting, I'd hate to see you turn into anything that remotely resembles whatever it is I am right now. Give your old man a minute, I'll be right out.

She got up, smiling, and stepped out of her father's room. A few minutes later, as the shower ran in the background, she grabbed her phone and wrote:

"Are you kidding me? You didn't tell him WHY you left ?"


Image courtesy of Fadi Habib

Update: Find the second part of this story here

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